Ray "Nut-jabber" Allen

Ray Allen showed the kind of class only a nine-time all star can bring to the table when he and Anderson Varejao got tangled up while battling for position after a foul shot during the Cavaliers weekend drubbing of the Celtics.  Varajao freed his entangled arm, which caused Allen to go tumbling to the floor.  Allen responded by pushing himself up off the floor and delivering a hard elbow to the Varejao family jewels.  Perhaps even more shocking than Allen’s sudden shot to the pills was that Varejao didn’t flinch or budge an inch.

Check out the Youtube replay here or watch the ESPN replay of the Celtic arse-whipping below.

Michigan State running back Glenn Winston was sentenced to 180 days in jail Monday for his role in an off-campus fight that seriously injured a Michigan State hockey player.  Winston pleaded guilty to aggravated assualt and battery and was suspended indefinitely from the Spartans football team in March.

For more: ESPN

Nebraska wide receiver Niles Paul has been suspended for the remainder of spring practice after being arrested on suspicion of drunken driving.  Paul was stopped for speeding around 2 a.m. on Sunday in Lincoln.  The 19-year-old Paul then failed a field sobriety test and was taken to a detoxification center.  Paul was also cited for driving with a suspended license and possessing alcohol as a minor.

For more: Sports Illustrated

A Cuddly Drunk

Cincinnati Bengals cornerback Leon Hall was arrested shortly after 3 a.m. on Sunday in southwest Ohio and charged with drunken driving.  The arresting Ohio State trooper reported that the 24-year-old was polite and cooperative during the stop when Hall politely blew a 0.149, well above the legal Ohio blood-alcohol limit of 0.08.  Hall is the first Bengal to face criminal charges in more than a year, which is apparently something to celebrate.

For more: Sports Illustrated

Police video of Joba Chamberlain’s October 2008 DUI arrest outside Lincoln, Nebraska has surfaced and reveals a drunken Joba trying to weasel his way out of trouble by playing the”I’m a Yankee” card, ripping on New Yorkers’ manners, and making fun of Hall-of-Famer Yogi Berra.

“He might not be as tall as the front of your car,” Joba  said of Berra to the Nebraska state trooper who arrested him.

He also contrasted drivers in New York and Nebraska stating, “the biggest thing I’ve noticed driving here and there is if you let somebody in the open the window and say ‘Thank You.’  In New York, they might hit you.”

When Joba realized his small talk and limited fame weren’t getting him anywhere, he just went ahead and said it.  “Obviously, I play for the Yankees.”

After watching the video, Dark Side did find it kind of obvious.  Class like that just screams Yankees.

Joba pleaded guilty last week to drunken driving and was given nine months probation and a $400 fine.  Joba also had his driver’s license suspended for 60 days and was ordered to complete an alcohol education class.

The dashboard video of Joba’s standup routine can be viewed by clicking below.

For more: New York Post

Tennessee Volunteers head coach Lane Kiffin announced the dismissal of senior free safety Demetrice Morley from the team following Tuesday’s spring practice in Knoxville.  Kiffin offered no details other than to say that Demetrice could not live up to the standards that had been set on and off the field.  Although not specific, Kiffin’s statement still manages to say a lot given that Tennessee’s performance on the field over the past few years has set the “standards” bar pretty friggin’ low.   Morely was previously suspended for the entire 2007 season while he worked on his academics at a community college.  He was reinstated before the 2008 season in which he started nine games.

For more: ESPN

NFL wide receiver and unrestricted free agent Reggie Williams was arrested and charged with drug possession in Houston on Sunday night after being tasered by an off-duty policemen.  An impaired Williams was refusing to leave a bar and struggling with two off-duty officers attempting to escort him out, when one of the officers decided to play the taser card.  Jail officials later found a small bag believed to contain cocaine in Williams’ back pocket.  Free advice time Reggie.  Dark Side and the Iowa football team understand that sometimes you just have to start a fight with off-duty police officers to blow off a little steam.  But it’s probably best not to do it when you have a pocket full of blow.

For more: Sports Illustrated

The number of Iowa football players arrested since April 2007 has now reached 24 by Dark Side’s count, thanks to the arrest of three football players for public intoxication early Monday morning.  One of the three players arrested and charged was head football coach Kirk Ferentz’s son, James Ferentz.  Ferentz and the other two players arrested, Zachary Derby and Tyler Chrstensen, are all 19-year-old redshirt freshmen.  The three were arrested around 2 a.m. when Derby and Christensen tried to pick a fight with an off-duty University of Iowa police officer.  The junior Ferentz apparently emerged from a nearby parking lot screaming and stumbling soon after.

In a statement, Coach Ferentz (a.k.a. “Dad”) said that the players will be suspended from spring practice and must perform community service. Dark Side has been unable to verify rumors that son James will also be grounded without phone or television privileges and given extra chores around the house.

For more: Sports Illustrated

Fresh off his release by the New York Giants, Plaxico Burress took the weekend to rebuild his image by cursing out the police officer who issued him his fifth Florida traffic ticket in the last month.  Burress was pulled over at 10:30am on Sunday along Florida’s Interstate 95.  The officer who approached the car, unable to see through the windows that had previously earned Burress an excessive tint citation, opened to car door to a greeting of “F— you.  You can’t open my f—ing door.”  As it turns out, Plaxico’s legal analysis was incorrect.

For more: ESPN

Florida State coach Bobby Bowden indefinitely suspended senior wide receiver Rod Owens on Monday following a weekend drunk driving arrest in Tallahassee where Owens blew almost doubled up the states .08 blood-alcohol limit.

For more: Sports Illustrated