Alleged Briefs Thief

Rudi Johnson, who had recently been waived by the Cincinnati Bengals, met with the Detroit Lions on Monday to sign a free-agent contract to play football in Detroit.

While meeting with team president Matt Millen, two Gucci duffel bags that Johnson had brought with him to the Lions’ practice facility were stolen. Johnson was shown the surveillance footage on Tuesday afternoon, which revealed the thief to be none other than Tatum Bell, the man Johnson had been hired to replace on the Lions’ 53-man roster.

Bell claims that the situation is all a big misunderstanding, explaining that defensive end Victor DeGrate, who the Lions released on Saturday, had asked Bell to pick up his bags and deliver them to a friend of DeGrate’s. Bell claims to have mistaken Johnson’s bags for DeGrate’s.

The bags, which were left with a woman Bell identified as DeGrate’s friend, were returned Tuesday evening, but Johnson claims to still be missing $200, his ID, credit cards and Perry Ellis boxers.

Johnson said he wasn’t sure what the woman intended to do with his used underwear, but Dark Side is guessing “Authentic Rudi Johnson sh:t-stained boxers” will be showing up for sale on E-bay any minute now.

While Johnson has spoken with Bell and doesn’t plan to involve police, he nonetheless doesn’t believe Bell’s version of the facts.

Dark Side share’s in Johnson’s suspicions, as everyone knows DeGrate has always been more of a Louis Vuitton man and what 250 lb heterosexual professional football-playing man wouldn’t know the difference between Gucci and Louis Vuitton? Sure buddy. Tell us another one.

For more on this story, visit The Detroit Free Press.