Dark Side’s team of trained monkeys has crunched the numbers to come up with this week’s top headlines.  Here’s what happened the week of Monday, August 11th.

1. Spanish players insist controversial photo just misunderstood

2. Nebraska wrestlers dismissed for pornographic photos

3a. America freaks out over under-aged Asian girls.  Woody Allen reportedly not involved.

3b. Chinese gymnast 14 years old according to previous Chinese news agency report

4. Jets find “solution” to breast-exposing “problem”

5. Michigan RB pleads guilty to absolutely plowed driving

6. Kicking it old school: McEnroe tossed from seniors tennis event

7. Making “Chinese eyes” just kills in Spain

8. Connecticut umpires celebrate child sex crimes

9. Swedish wrestler lets judges know where they can stick their bronze medal

10. Jordan’s baby-mamma drama continues